jeramiah

3rd day of spring
snow flurries and whipping wind
i see a mama pushing a stroller
barefoot baby no hat no gloves
i circle the block and park
go looking for this mama
and say 'where's your baby's socks?
where's your baby's shoes?'
she says 'you don't know me'
i say 'i don't but i'm a gramma of
a 1 year old and a 2 year old and a momma of others'
and this isn't right
and take off my gloves and put them
on his feet
he's not fussing or crying
he's just accepting the freezing
'what's his name?'
'jeramiah' how old? one.
i say come with me and she does
i go to my car where i have my
baby car seat and rummage among
the toys to find a hat and blanket
and snackie foods and a toy
she says bless you and goes off
i run up to my apartment find socks
find a warm coat and run back down
but she's gone
i drive around looking for her
all gone
i stand on my balcony looking
over the city blocks
nothing
"jeramiah!!!!!'
nothing
jeramiah may you find warmth
in the cold
coolness in desert heat
and food for your tiny belly
give your momma strength
to make a life beyond homeless.

trying to shake sad

trying to shake sad

a dreary cold monday morning
first 2 emails
high school girlfriend dead
medical care and severe depression
was all that was mentioned
so I wonder if she suicided
never married no kids
and at the last few high school
reunions when I saw her after many
year of not seeing her
I thought she looked anorexic
cause she looked so tiny
'our' group is now in their 50's
too early to be dying

2nd email about a
fellow burner that I do not know
in a motorcycle accident in India
her last email home said
how crazy the driver's in india were
and how she's learning to drive
a motorcycle but not to worry
she's playing it safe and always
wears a helmet
a bike in front of her wiped out
and she swerved to avoid
but ended up with a handlebar
thru her visor into her head
her boyfriend was following and
began cpr despite blood in mouth
ears nose for a half hour
before german tourists stopped
frantic boyfriend trying to understand
the indian doctors
lots of blood loss she in a coma
hooked up to a breathing machine
her mom flew in wants her back in
the states for better care
her boyfriend updates blog
so everybody knows what's going on
somebody snagged her an indigent bed at stanford medical
friends in san francisco having FUNraisers
cause that's the way she'd want it
trying to raise funds for a air ambulance
that cost $150,000
the dj hosted shake yur booty party
plus other donations have raised $5,000
so they begin to pray more fervently
for her for an air ambulance for a good outcome

and this all sinks me down to sadness
as I recall my hospital bedside waits while
my son was hooked up to everything
but at least he was conscious and alive
and I knew he had most brain function
the coma thing is scary
reminds me of the other kid down the hall
jarrod same 18 year old age as my kid
jarrod bonked his head in a truck accident
and was in a coma
10 years later...he still is
I know cause whenever I pass through
that small town of gerlach on my way to
burningman I stop at bruno's bar
and ask the bartender
'how's jarrod doing?' cause jarrod's family
was from gerlach but has moved away
'the same' is what he always says
one day I want him to tell me 'he woke up
and smiled'
you read about those kind of stories
sometimes

yet I still feel like crying
about jarrod, about my son
about the burner girl
and about my high school girlfriend
who was severely depressed
I'm so sad that she was so depressed
I remember her best as smiling and having a
caring and sweet disposition
and wishing life could have always stayed
that innocent
our silly little high school life
when all we worried about was our hairstyle
or clothes
and that we laughed a lot
at least that's how I remember it
and I'm going to keep it that way.

braking for pigeons

in these trying times
when all the news seems bad
when son-in -law loses his job
along with 3 million others
when co-worker loses house
to foreclosure
all the headlines come
to roost

when nevada's stats
for elders show
twice the national average
in suicide
smoking
and heavy alcohol use
could cause a
non-smoker to light one up
down a shot
and think of ways out
of this life

the car next to me
slows to a stop
as a pigeon struts in
that lane and then
crosses to mine
i do not slow
as he takes wing
knowing full well how
to negotiate downtown
traffic
i am amused at the driver
expecting an exciteable
teenage girl
or old peta member
instead see
a middle-aged hispanic man
a toothpick clenched in his teeth
no doubt freeing a
chunk of meat wedged
in his cuspids
and i laugh
cause now
more than ever
laughing is important.

country

the cool thing about living
in the country
is you can see animals
and land
and changing leaves
you can sing
old mcdonald had a farm
and time it
so when you say
he had a cow
there they are
with a moo moo everywhere
and when you say
he had a goat
there they are
and you can throw in tigers
with a roar roar here
and a roar roar there
and the landscape is
so much more interesting
specially if you're on
a long road trip
and your mom says
she'll give you a quarter
for every white horse you see
with a neigh neigh here
and sometimes
you can pull over
to stretch your legs
and get up close
and pet the animals
feed the goats
and you're dad says
he'll give you a dollar
for every elephant you see
it keeps you on your toes
scanning the countryside
singing old mcdonald had a farm
instead of mcdonalds has
fatty foods.

surviving mi familia during the holidaze

jeepers creeps how i miss them
my parents
my children
the aunties and uncles
my nephews and nieces
the ex-sister-in-laws
the 2nd cousin first removed
the ex-3rd cousin remarried
the 'they've been around my whole life
so they must be relatives'
& we even adopted a blonde
& a redhead
who are now off to college
the adopted ones
doing 'the best' from the
natural borns
says alot for genetics

& i missed them until
the 'drama' as the kids like to say
starts in
each room a different conversation
a different direction
and when you walk down the hall
you get side swiped
& by gossipy osmosis
information gets moved about
what was
a minute ago
is not
now

until a tension
an irritation sets in
& i just want them to take their presents
& go home
or i want to take my gift certificates
& go home
i don't want to be an orphan
or a hermit
forever
just right now
just until a peace can settle in
& i'll miss them again.

happy hour xmas shopping

trying to get a 'leg up' on
the impending holiday rush
decided to take a half day off
from work
drive the 72 miles from this
small town of cowboys & auto dealers
to the biggest little city of
malls & super K-marts
wearing good walking shoes
credit cards clutched firmly
lists of family & friends
& i'm off

clothes for the teen girls
skater pants for the boys
soaps, candles, & spa stuff
for co-workers
show tickets for old aunts
who have enough clutter
ankle bracelets for son's girlfriends
a pretty good roll for 5 hours
then to take a break with friends
happy hour
5 to 6:30
a chardonnay buzz
then a plunge into the malls
big mistake
bags later
driving home by midnight
next morning assessing
the stupid presents wine bought
'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' boxer shorts
with battery powered light up nose
strategically placed
chocolate champagne truffles
a hot pink sweater trimmed in
hot pink feathers (not machine washable)
a diamond ring shaped
like a horse shoe
& those were
all for me!
screw everybody else
i deserve a treat
i'm my own best santa claus!
just leave the spiked eggnog
next to the cookies
& no telling what i'll put
in your stocking.

(this is actually a reprint from 2000)

ratty bathrobe

ratty bathrobe so far after one year
of being in each other’s life
I have his toothbrush
and now his ratty bathrobe
it’s just very sweet

little things like that
symbolize the comfort
tentative
like bambi’s mother
taking him to the meadow
for the first time
we won’t bother
to mention how
that ends

next
I’ll make drawer space.

--snake