happy hour xmas shopping

trying to get a 'leg up' on
the impending holiday rush
decided to take a half day off
from work
drive the 72 miles from this
small town of cowboys & auto dealers
to the biggest little city of
malls & super K-marts
wearing good walking shoes
credit cards clutched firmly
lists of family & friends
& i'm off

clothes for the teen girls
skater pants for the boys
soaps, candles, & spa stuff
for co-workers
show tickets for old aunts
who have enough clutter
ankle bracelets for son's girlfriends
a pretty good roll for 5 hours
then to take a break with friends
happy hour
5 to 6:30
a chardonnay buzz
then a plunge into the malls
big mistake
bags later
driving home by midnight
next morning assessing
the stupid presents wine bought
'rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' boxer shorts
with battery powered light up nose
strategically placed
chocolate champagne truffles
a hot pink sweater trimmed in
hot pink feathers (not machine washable)
a diamond ring shaped
like a horse shoe
& those were
all for me!
screw everybody else
i deserve a treat
i'm my own best santa claus!
just leave the spiked eggnog
next to the cookies
& no telling what i'll put
in your stocking.

(this is actually a reprint from 2000)